Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
