Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
not ubering you a puppy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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