is your mom at the bar?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting married
To pizza
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
