Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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