just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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