I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
