4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
