she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
too bad you live with your parents still
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i will never coherently bang her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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