I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
