Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
