wat bout pragnant strippers??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
