Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
