I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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