That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
