I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
