My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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