I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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