Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
