If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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