I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
