Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
