my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
