finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
