Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
