i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
