I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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