Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
