Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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