you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
