Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
