The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
