did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
