Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just cropdusted the office
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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