I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
