he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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