I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
