I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
