all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
