My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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