So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
