I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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