wakey wakey hands off snakey
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
