I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
