I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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