are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
