If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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