I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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