I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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