it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
