There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
