I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
