I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
