So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
