i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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