i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
