Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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