I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
