i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
