Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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