Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
