my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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