Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
