Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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