He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How does one acquire holy water?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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