Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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